The Value of the "F" Word

As I’ve mentioned before, I have good relationships with my nieces and nephews. I just think they are all fabulous young people and I enjoy watching them reach the different milestones as they grow up. My nephew Dylan is now 14 years old and last week he began high school. Only a week in, but he loves it. This thrills me because, of course, there will be traumatic times ahead.

Earlier this year, he and a friend stayed at my home for a week and one of the most interesting conversations we had was about the “F” word. I explained to Dylan that since he is a teenager now, I knew that he and his friends were probably starting to curse, enjoying the freedom of talking like grown-ups, at least when the grown-ups aren’t in earshot. Realistically, he is absolutely going to do it, but I told him he needs to be respectful of other people and be conscious of those that might be offended. I mean, seriously, isn’t that what we all do? For everyone, there are people we can curse in front of, and those we cannot.

I told him the “F” word is especially fraught with extra rules. While it doesn’t carry quite the punch it used to, it is still a word that can be used to exactly express the intensity of a moment. Everyone needs a word that will emphasize the enormity of a situation at hand when no other word will do. But it’s very important not to overuse it, because doing so diminishes its power. For instance, we debated whether “damn” is really cursing and determined that relatively speaking, not really, if only because overuse has robbed it of is descriptive qualities.

My mom lives with my younger sister in the same house with Dylan. Jackie’s kids all call my mom Patty, which rather than being disrespectful, is endearing, because it evolved from the time when Dylan was a toddler and called her “MY Patty”. Recently, my mom asked Dylan to PLEASE clean up his room, as it was nearly impossible to see the floor. This request was met with resistance, and after several attempts at procrastination, she finally had to sternly tell him to do it "now!". About 15 minutes later, she heard him scream her name, and could immediately identify the note of true alarm in his voice. She ran to his room, nearly colliding with him in the hall as he was scrambling to get out. She asked him what was wrong, to which he replied, “Patty, there’s a F*%#-ING SNAKE in my room!!!!”.

He wasn’t punished for the cursing, because as he explained to me, “Lulu, clearly, it was the perfect time for the “F” word”. I love that kid.

The Circle of Life

When pets come into our lives, we know that they won't be with us forever. Even more so than people, they leave us all too soon. We lost a cat named Mr. Peepers almost four years ago, shortly after we were married. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but at the time the evidence pointed to it being a malicious act, rather than the work of an animal. It quite simply broke my heart.

After a year of being petless - we welcomed Pauli Girl into our lives - an older miniature cocker spaniel we adopted from the pound. Due to an injury, she is completely blind in one eye, and has a cataract on the other. But as long as you keep her from running into the occasional curb when walking at night, there is zero impact on her quality of life. It's GOOD to be an animal in our household, mostly because of my husband. There are weeks when my animals get more cuddles than I do, and I am quite vocal in expressing my displeasure.

This past Thanksgiving, we adopted a kitten named Cutter, who quickly morphed into a ginormous cat that we have lovingly nicknamed "Jabba, the Cat". Seriously, this cat looks like a wombat. No, it looks like he ATE a wombat. Shortly after Cutter arrived, a stray cat in the neighborhood began hanging around. The two cats would sit on opposite sides of the screen door for hours, just staring at one another and occasionally touching paws. And each morning and evening when I would walk Pauli Girl, the cat would walk with us around the block. It was so bizarre.

He became a part of life in our household and we named him Cat King Cole. He was a hunter and began sharing his skill with us. On several occasions, I'd be presented with a bird, or a mouse, of which he was clearly so very proud. Ick. I know it's the circle of life, but seriously, it's gross. I'm not sure it was payback, but there was one bluejay that would repeatedly dive bomb this cat during our morning walks, squawking and chattering as though delivering a lecture all the while.

We considered bringing him inside, but two things stopped us. First, we've learned the hard way that cats that were once "outdoor" cats do NOT take kindly to becoming indoor cats. An incident where Mr. Peepers expressed his displeasure at being cooped up by peeing on my air purifier WHILE IT WAS IN USE springs to mind. Secondly, my old, nearly blind dog was and continues to be ever so unimpressed by the presence of an energetic young cat. It didn't seem fair to add insult to injury.

So, we settled on keeping him well fed (cold milk and salmon were his favorite treats), started flea treatments, and put a collar on him. But unfortunately, his life was cut short. Some time early Thursday morning, Cat King Cole was killed. While I am again heartbroken, there is one small silver lining. His death was eerily similar to the late great Mr. Peepers, so we were obviously very concerned. But based on what we have learned from the police department and animal control, in spite of the fact that the injuries look very deliberate and "clean", it is, in their opinion, the work of a coyote, and there have been a lot of similar incidents in our area recently. I get some small measure of solace that Mr. Peepers and Cat King Cole were killed at the hand of nature as opposed to there being some horribly cruel person out there.

When we go out for our morning walk, I still look for him for a split second before I remember and it makes me so sad. The circle of life continues.

I've Got Grass

My niece - Jessica


Most of the time it's good to be cool Aunt Lulu.

Although I've not been blessed with children of my own, I do have a wonderful step-son that came onto my life at age nine (he is sixteen now) and I have eight nieces & nephews of a mix-matched-some-by-marriage variety, which gives me ample opportunities to spoil kids rotten and then send them home. Sometimes they make me laugh out loud - for instance I spent Mother's Day weekend last month with my mom, both of my sisters and all of their children. Yowsa. My three year old nieces, Jessica and Emily, are in the midst of potty training. After a slip-up, I was changing Jessica's diaper, only to be told "I'm not done". Doing the quick-step down the hall and waiting for ten minutes determined that she was, in fact, done, but since I was there anyway, I decided to take of my business, too. At which point, Jessica informed me, in a very matter of fact tone - "Lulu, you've got grass." "I do?" "Yes. Mommy's got it, too." Yep, as evidenced by the bikini wax I have scheduled for our upcoming beach vacation, I've got grass.

Same weekend, after a chaotic dinner at the local Mexican food restaurant, four of the kids piled into my car for the short ride home, with the rest following behind with my sister. After discovering my MP3 player, it was throw down time. Windows down, sunroof open, music blaring. It began innocently enough, with everyone taking a turn poking out of the sunroof. It ended with everyone on top of the car. And there are two things I want to know. How is it that every one of my nieces and nephews, (except the twins) know all of the words to "Baby Got Back"? And why does nine year old Lauren know the dance to "Thriller"? Mysteries of the Universe.

Consequently, one few and far between example of why it's NOT good to be cool Aunt Lulu - my husband wanting to know if I'd been in any storms recently, as there is seemingly hail damage on top of my car. Yikes.

Happy 2009!!!

Well, one of my goals for 2009 was to post to my blog at least once a week. Clearly didn't get off to a running start on that one. Honestly, I was concerned about not having much of interest to talk about since I don't have kids. I absolutely love reading the blogs of my close friends, filled with loving and often hysterical stories about life with their tiny loved ones. But they often post about other random topics and I still love to read them. And then I realized that my friends' children will be grown one day and they will still be interesting, so I'm going to give it a whirl.

I have to say, I was thrilled to watch the inauguration of Barack Obama yesterday. I am the odd man out in my family as the token liberal, though they are very respectful of my politcal views, as I am of theirs. I would probably be defined as a Democrat by virtue of my somewhat liberal views, though I've never committed to a specific party. I generally vote based on what things are important to me at that specific time. But for the first time I can remember, I was giddy watching all of the festivities. I often hear my parents talk about moments in time that stick with them - the election of JFK, the death of Elvis, etc. This will be one of those moments for me. It is nice to feel hopeful.

So, this post will be short and sweet, my first step toward a goal. More soon, including pictures from my crazy family holiday gathering at my house weekend before last.

South Australia - Last Week of Trip

When we got to Murray Bridge, we all had some laundry to do. But they are under water restrictions due to the drought, so we limited the laundry to only what we had to have until our trip was over and this is the guys hanging their laundry out on the line to dry. Most people in Murray Bridge have clothes lines, which they actually USE and it is mandatory to have a rain water system, which gathers rain from your gutters into a resevoir to use in the home.
We went to a nature park and that chunky monkey behind the koala is me.

This is my dad, Murray Jarvis. He and his wife Chris were my counselors for my entire Rotary Youth Exchange year in Australia and have had an permanent impact on my life. They are my family.
We were able to feed the kangaroos in the park - see the joey (baby kangaroo) peeking out of the pouch?
Trevor and Cody feeding the kangaroos.

Damon and the 'roos.

Another joey.
This is an emu - very large bird, sort of like the ostrich. You could feed it, but this one was kind of mean.
Cody fed him, but only under duress.

Australian parrots - aren't they colorful?
This is a place called Goolwa about 30 minutes from Murray Bridge - if you are going to have a beach house in South Australia, this is the place to have it. There were people surfing here today, even in winter, and if was whale watching season, but we didn't see any.
Beach at Goolwa.
Me with Chris and Murray.

Life with Australian Family

This is Damon with my host brother Daryl Gogel. Alan and Trudy Gogel were another family I lived with. Daryl was an exchange student in Pleasanton, Texas in 1986.
We went to lunch with the whole Gogel Family, this is Cody and Trevor with Daryl. They had great beer at this place.

Getting our drink on.
Me with Alan and Trudy Gogel. Alan and Trudy visited us in Texas in March of 2008.

This is my sister Margaret Gogel with her boyfriend Colin.
This is Jack, who belongs to my brother Daryl and his wife, Sharon. They have been caring for him for over year and are in the process of adopting him.
Daryl with Sharon and Jack at the Bierhaus, with the statue of a drunk German.
This is my dad, Murray, his mom Ella and his brother Charlie.
This is my mom Chris, Grandma Ella and me.

This is my sister Megan and her husband, Darren.
And this is me with my mom and dad, Murray and Chris Jarvis - wonderful people.
The whole gang in Australia.
We drank quite a lot of wine at the BBQ.
Aunt Trudy and Uncle Charlie.

Cody with Chris and Murray, trying Bundaberg Rum (Australian rum) and coke.


Dad pulling out the Bundy Black label, which you can't get anywhere in the world except in Queensland, Australia.

View of the Murray River (can you guess how Murray Bridge got it's name?)from the Jarvis' back yard.
Playing Texas Hold 'Em with the family.
View of the Marina from the Jarvis' back yard.
This car was purchased by Murray's grandfather when Murray was born. Still runs, too.

The Adelaide Hills

This is a picture of the hills between Murray Bridge and Adelaide, and this is when there has been a drought. It's just beautiful countryside driving between the country and the city. Murray Bridge is the fourth largest it city in Australia, but only has a population of 19,000. The bulk of the population in Australia is on the coast in the large cities. The entire country has a population of 20,450,000. The US has over 300,000,000.

This is the view from Chris and Murray's back yard.
This is the Jarvis' dog - Jess.
This is Jay, my sister Megan's youngest son.
This is Riley, the middle son.

And this is Sam, the oldest.
My dad, Murray, drives a milk truck, which picks up milk from dairies all in the southeast and takes it to Adelaide or the depot in Murray Bridge, depending where it's needed. It's a double hauler and is just ENORMOUS. You can tell more in the second photo.

The day before we left, we went to lunch with dad in a pub in Tailem Bend, which is about 20 minutes from Murray Bridge, so named because there is a bend in the Murray River there.
View of Murray River from the patio at the Tailem Bend Pub.